Through My Eyes

Anger and the loss of Patience.

I really hate being the bigger person. There is one person in my life who I always have to be the bigger person with, the people closest to me know who this is. No matter what is going on with me, I always come after this person. Even when I try to make that situation keep its general pattern, of course I fuck up somehow, and get blamed for more stupid shit. I am tired of getting shit in return for putting my wants behind me, I am about to graduate and instead of being happy and spending all the time I can with my friends who I wont see the way I do now, I am still having to deal with this shit. I think I have been more than unselfish, but even when I give up doing what I want, I still have a way of getting assigned the blame and the anger. I’m tired of this shit. Sometimes I wish I had a stop button. So I could just stop time, spend time reflecting, doing something fun, all by myself, and having a talk with God. Then pressing play when I am ready to resume everything else. The sad truth is that one I cant stop time, two my fun is based on a schedule that isn’t even mine, three, my alone time is harder and harder to come by, four I get so bitter sometimes that I forget what fun is and five God is always watching me and I dont spend enough time thanking Him when things are going well to call upon him when things are going wrong. 

Vent complete.